Happy Birthday to ME!

Today I turned 29. It was a beautiful day here in Kentucky…about 70 degrees and very sunny. I had a birthday dinner with my dad’s family last weekend, with my mom’s family on Saturday, and with Derek’s family on Sunday. Then I came home from work today to find a dozen yellow roses (my favorite!) and a home cooked meal. I have such a sweet husband and a great family!
Overall it was a great birthday. To top it all off, Ariannah’s foster mother sent me some new pictures of her and they are precious! She is getting so big and finally has some teeth and hair growing in. Last month at 15 months of age, she weighed 14 lbs 2 oz. The foster mother took her today for a check-up and just one month later she is up to 15 lbs and 12 oz!!!!That is a huge growth spurt and she is now finally in the 25th percentile for her age. Last month she wasn’t on the charts at all.
Developmentally she is growing too. She is starting to military crawl and the foster mother said she is always trying to move, so we think she will be crawling on all fours soon. She has an appointment in November to see where she stands in regards to the feeding tube and they are even going to discuss removing it! She will also be fitted soon for leg braces to help her stand on her own. All of this is very exciting news!

My Ramblings for the Week.....

These past few days have been very rough on me emotionally. I am still very excited about the possibility of getting Ariannah and about finally being able to say that I am a MOM!!! But in a way, preparing for this adoption is still a reminder that I can’t have a baby of my own.

I realize that I am being selfish. Of course I will love Ariannah like she is my very own and I will love everything about her. It is just that I will never get to feel her in my belly, I will never see her little heartbeat on an ultrasound, and I will never get to experience her birth. I am one of those crazy people who want to have morning sickness and want to watch my belly grow over 9 months….the things I have dreamed about since I was little.

I have spent a lot of time in prayer and have asked God to take away my anger and jealousy. I used to participate in infertility support groups and find strength in success stories, but now I just feel bitterness and anger. The devil is taking the best thing that has ever happened to me and using it to bring out my downfalls. What I need to remember is that God has brought Ariannah into my life and I should be thankful for this amazing opportunity. I am sure that in a year from now I won’t have any doubts about why things turned out the way they did. God’s plan has always proven better than my own. So why do I continue to make my own path instead of choosing His???

And if something happens and we don’t get Ariannah….this little girl has made me realize that we CAN love a child that is not our own and that adoption is definitely an option for us. There are thousands of children needing forever homes and whether it is Ariannah or a child we have not yet met, we WILL be parents!!!

But we very very much want it to be Ariannah. It is crazy how much Derek and I feel like we actually know her….we talk about her constantly and make plans for her future. We pray for her and say good-night to her before we go to bed. I talked to her social worker today and all of the paperwork was just completed in Indiana and is somewhere in the mail today on its way to Kentucky. There are still a few more steps…but we are getting closer each day to bringing her home. I can’t wait until I have more pictures to show everyone! Keep us in your prayers.

*Sigh*.....

It looks like there might be a delay. Indiana was ready to place her with us this week but our agency wants Indiana to do a formal "Interstate Compact Request"....meaning it will be another month or so before we get her and not a couple of days. I am very disappointed because this makes me feel like something will happen and we will never get to bring her home. I know in the long run a couple of months is such a shirt time period...but I hate missing all of these important times in her life. Please, please, keep saying prayers for us! I will be so upset if this placement falls through and we can't adopt her.

Nursery in Progress

Derek and I started working on the nursery this weekend. The walls are painted a light green color and the bedding is pink, yellow, and green jungle themed. Attached are pictures of the bedding, a picture of the giraffe wall mural I made, and also the name plaque I made. I was busy working on them all weekend but am very pleased with how they turned out. I can't wait to post the finished nursery!

Good News!

I am still in complete disbelief! I just talked to the foster mother of Ariannah and she told me that court went well this morning. The judge granted the social worker’s motion for relief of services and set a termination date for October. The even better news is that the social worker and HOI (our foster/adoptive agency) have worked out a compromise and have decided to place Ariannah with us as soon as possible as a foster placement instead of waiting for the termination to occur. The social worker told the foster mother that his intention is to move Ariannah to our home next week!!! What???!!! I might have a baby in a week….no way??!!?? I also got an email from the supervisor in Indiana confirming this information.

Derek and I are super excited. Of course we have a lot to do, and a lot to buy, but we are definitely *ready* for Ariannah to come live with us. Part of me is still nervous and won’t believe it until it happens. But so far everything looks very promising.

I will update when I hear more.

A Day of Decisions....

Today is a big day in the life of little Ariannah...although she most likely has no idea that the "big people" around her are making such major decisions today. Decisions that will change her life forever. Decisions that will hopefully change mine and Derek's life forever too! This morning, Ariannah's birth mother has a court appearance in which the judge and social workers will decide whether or not to keep providing services to her or whether they should move forward with terminating her rights. If it is the latter, it will bring us one step closer to bringing Ariannah "home".

So while I sit and wait *patiently* for the social worker to call me this afternoon about court, I am also waiting to hear back from my doctor. I had to get blood drawn yesterday to make sure my hormone levels are going back down to zero. We have been blessed up to this point to not need a D&C after any of the losses, and a decling hormone level is an indicator that my body is clearing everything out on its own. So we are hoping my levels have plunged since last week and that I will not need any kind of procedure.

Well, I better get back to my waiting......

God Bless everyone and I can't wait to update you on the good news I am sure we will receive tonight :)

Finally Started a Blog....

As many of you know, Derek and I have been trying for two years to conceive our first child. Last week our sixth angel entered Heaven as we heard the dreaded words we have heard so many times before: "There is no heart beat".

We left the doctor's office together as we always do, hand-in-hand. And although last week's news hit us hard, we do have reason to hope. Reason to continue our journey. Her name is Ariannah. A beautiful little girl with special needs who needs a forever home and loving parents to adopt her.

We have submitted our paperwork and are waiting for Indiana to finalize her birth parents' rights. It is then a waiting game to see if Kentucky approves our homestudy and chooses us as the adoptive parents. We are praying that this little girl becomes the answer to our prayers!

We have started this blog so that our friends and family can follow us on our journey to parenthood. We believe that God has big plans for our family, far greater than we can imagine. We are excited about what our future holds and are forever thankful for the love and support we have received from each and every one of you.

-Erin

"When God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you. He is simply opening your hands to receive something better."