An exciting weekend to come......

Today is a yucky day for me. I came home from work last night with a fever of 101.9 and a severe headache. I work in a daycare so I was terrified that it could be the flu…or H1N1. I took some pain medicine and went to bed. I woke up this morning after 14 hours of sleep and don’t feel better at all. Luckily my fever is down to only 99.6 so I am thinking it is not the flu. I have been in bed all day and am hoping I feel better for the weekend.

Why, you ask??? Because on Saturday Derek and I get to go see Ariannah for a three hour visit. It will be Derek’s first time meeting her and I can’t wait to watch him hold her. I am nervous and excited! The foster mother says she is doing wonderfully and is now crawling everywhere and starting to babble more. She is slowly but surely catching up. Even though she is already 17 months old, she is developmentally where a 7 or 8 month old baby is….so we will still get to experience many of her “firsts”. I can’t wait for the day she starts to walk and blows all of the therapists out of the water. She is a fighter, so I know she will meet every milestone she is supposed to meet within the next year!

Also this weekend we are providing Respite for a 5 year old girl we have had several times before. She is a sweet girl and we always have fun with her. We plan on going to the Zoo and to go get pumpkins. It will be a busy but wonderful weekend.

As far as placement of Ariannah into our home, things are slowly but surely moving forward. The lady we have been working with from Indiana said we should have a placement date by next week. So it should be soon! We are a little frustrated though with the mixed messages we are getting. We were told at first that she would be eligible for free daycare while still a foster placement and then we would pick up payment after the adoption. Now we are being told that we have to pay daycare from the day we get her. That is fine…we would have to for our birth child so I am not complaining. But we were also told that we would receive some monthly assistance because she is special needs. And now they are saying we will not because the social worker never completed his end of the paperwork and now it is too late. We know we will be fine but we do worry about medical expenses and the costs of therapy. God is good though and He will always provide. I have no doubt that she will be worth far more than any amount of money we have to spend!!!

I almost forgot, today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I know many of you who follow my site have also lost babies and I want to let everyone know that I continue to pray for all of you. I still think about my angel babies every day and I know you all do too. You are all strong ladies and I can’t wait to see how God blesses each and every one of you. He does answer prayers…so brace yourself, amazing things will happen!!!

We are making Progress....

I talked to Ariannah's social worker today and he informed me that the Interstate Request is now in the hands of our adoption agency. That is great news because it is almost the final step to bringing our daughter (I love saying that!!!) home. He suspects she will be able to come live with us within the next 2-3 weeks. Hopefully by Halloween :)

And since some of you are asking, yes we plan on keeping Ariannah as her name. She already knows it, and as much as I despise what her mother has done to her...I would like for her to be able to keep something from her birth family. We will change her middle and last name though. Her new legal name will be:

Ariannah Isabelle Smith!!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Today I turned 29. It was a beautiful day here in Kentucky…about 70 degrees and very sunny. I had a birthday dinner with my dad’s family last weekend, with my mom’s family on Saturday, and with Derek’s family on Sunday. Then I came home from work today to find a dozen yellow roses (my favorite!) and a home cooked meal. I have such a sweet husband and a great family!
Overall it was a great birthday. To top it all off, Ariannah’s foster mother sent me some new pictures of her and they are precious! She is getting so big and finally has some teeth and hair growing in. Last month at 15 months of age, she weighed 14 lbs 2 oz. The foster mother took her today for a check-up and just one month later she is up to 15 lbs and 12 oz!!!!That is a huge growth spurt and she is now finally in the 25th percentile for her age. Last month she wasn’t on the charts at all.
Developmentally she is growing too. She is starting to military crawl and the foster mother said she is always trying to move, so we think she will be crawling on all fours soon. She has an appointment in November to see where she stands in regards to the feeding tube and they are even going to discuss removing it! She will also be fitted soon for leg braces to help her stand on her own. All of this is very exciting news!

My Ramblings for the Week.....

These past few days have been very rough on me emotionally. I am still very excited about the possibility of getting Ariannah and about finally being able to say that I am a MOM!!! But in a way, preparing for this adoption is still a reminder that I can’t have a baby of my own.

I realize that I am being selfish. Of course I will love Ariannah like she is my very own and I will love everything about her. It is just that I will never get to feel her in my belly, I will never see her little heartbeat on an ultrasound, and I will never get to experience her birth. I am one of those crazy people who want to have morning sickness and want to watch my belly grow over 9 months….the things I have dreamed about since I was little.

I have spent a lot of time in prayer and have asked God to take away my anger and jealousy. I used to participate in infertility support groups and find strength in success stories, but now I just feel bitterness and anger. The devil is taking the best thing that has ever happened to me and using it to bring out my downfalls. What I need to remember is that God has brought Ariannah into my life and I should be thankful for this amazing opportunity. I am sure that in a year from now I won’t have any doubts about why things turned out the way they did. God’s plan has always proven better than my own. So why do I continue to make my own path instead of choosing His???

And if something happens and we don’t get Ariannah….this little girl has made me realize that we CAN love a child that is not our own and that adoption is definitely an option for us. There are thousands of children needing forever homes and whether it is Ariannah or a child we have not yet met, we WILL be parents!!!

But we very very much want it to be Ariannah. It is crazy how much Derek and I feel like we actually know her….we talk about her constantly and make plans for her future. We pray for her and say good-night to her before we go to bed. I talked to her social worker today and all of the paperwork was just completed in Indiana and is somewhere in the mail today on its way to Kentucky. There are still a few more steps…but we are getting closer each day to bringing her home. I can’t wait until I have more pictures to show everyone! Keep us in your prayers.

*Sigh*.....

It looks like there might be a delay. Indiana was ready to place her with us this week but our agency wants Indiana to do a formal "Interstate Compact Request"....meaning it will be another month or so before we get her and not a couple of days. I am very disappointed because this makes me feel like something will happen and we will never get to bring her home. I know in the long run a couple of months is such a shirt time period...but I hate missing all of these important times in her life. Please, please, keep saying prayers for us! I will be so upset if this placement falls through and we can't adopt her.

Nursery in Progress

Derek and I started working on the nursery this weekend. The walls are painted a light green color and the bedding is pink, yellow, and green jungle themed. Attached are pictures of the bedding, a picture of the giraffe wall mural I made, and also the name plaque I made. I was busy working on them all weekend but am very pleased with how they turned out. I can't wait to post the finished nursery!

Good News!

I am still in complete disbelief! I just talked to the foster mother of Ariannah and she told me that court went well this morning. The judge granted the social worker’s motion for relief of services and set a termination date for October. The even better news is that the social worker and HOI (our foster/adoptive agency) have worked out a compromise and have decided to place Ariannah with us as soon as possible as a foster placement instead of waiting for the termination to occur. The social worker told the foster mother that his intention is to move Ariannah to our home next week!!! What???!!! I might have a baby in a week….no way??!!?? I also got an email from the supervisor in Indiana confirming this information.

Derek and I are super excited. Of course we have a lot to do, and a lot to buy, but we are definitely *ready* for Ariannah to come live with us. Part of me is still nervous and won’t believe it until it happens. But so far everything looks very promising.

I will update when I hear more.